How To Stay Classy…

…when drinking at a bar SOLO.

Sometimes I just want a drink. A single, potent, boozy drink, and I want to enjoy is alone. I started doing this after I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. I guess it was some kind of empowerment thing and now it’s something I do when I need time to myself and I don’t feel like talking to anyone. There are ways to do this without looking a) creepy b) desperate c) lonely d) you have no friends. Here are few ways to stay classy while getting drunk alone.

1. You’re not a weirdo if you want to go out alone. Sometimes it’s even inappropriate to have company while you enjoy a good cocktail. You’re fine. This is normal. You’re not crazy. Okay, maybe a little bit, but who isn’t.

2. If you’re really concerned about looking like a freak bring something with you to keep you occupied: a notebook to look like a writer, a book to look like you’re smart, a phone to look like you’re trying to make plans. This may or may not work. Some people are hard to fool, and if that’s the case you might as well just sit there with nothing but your Manhattan and a smile. Good luck.

3. Don’t stare at other people. This is weird. Come on, have some social skills. Unless that’s the look you’re going for. In that case, by all means.

4. Being a girl and drinking alone is more difficult. The bartenders will be concerned about you right off the bat. I swear they thought I was going to break down into tears after I ordered. I really don’t think you can do anything about this except work it. You’re a chick, don’t tell me you don’t have experience in this area. That is all.

4. Eavesdrop. What better place to listen to awkward dates and stupid conversation than the bar? Then Tweet about it. Then remember that you were just sitting at a bar drinking alone.

5. Order something classy. Nothing says “I’m a lonely mess” like a Jaegerbomb with a side of vodka seven. Beer or wine works just fine.

6. If someone tries to speak to you and you’re just not feeling it, be nice. If you’re an asshole they will get the wrong impression and take you for a bitter wench who’s trying to drown her sorrows in liquor. Tell them you’re not interested and get back to enjoying yourself. Try not to give away your true feelings with unimpressed facial expressions that so often give me away. I have yet to master this step.

7. Know when to leave. You’ll look like a loser if you get to the bar early evening and stay until last call drinking alone. It might even be possible that you’ll be cut off and asked to leave. How embarrassing.

8. If you do get wasted (by accident or on purpose) play it off like it’s no big thang. Quietly pay the bill, and leave unnoticed. Save the stumbling for the streets where it won’t look THAT weird. Tell no one.

9. Be confident. No eye contact and stuttering while drinking alone will make you seem like a creep. People like confidence and they’ll assume you’re there for a purpose. That or you’ll do it wrong and everyone will think you’re a douche.

10. Don’t cry. Alcohol is a depressant and it makes people mad, violent, weird and sad. If you’re feeling the latter after three boozy cocktails save the tears for the cab ride home. At least you’ll be in the privacy of a back seat.

In conclusion, my lone public drinkers, you are not alone (when it comes to wanting to be alone, I mean). It’s normal to want to be alone with a glass of scotch, or wine, or beer, or whatever. Pick your poison. But do it wisely, and do it with class. Voila!

Stay classy, professional solo drinkers. I love you.

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